4 am
The universe presented me with an opportunity to face my ever so present fear of possible lack of financial security and the realities of being an adult. The passing of my mother and recent information of my biological fathers death in 2001 planted a seed within my foundation that could harden some very deep roots in security and brokenness should I allow it. I never could have imagined the profound feelings of fear and powerlessness; the inability to fully take care of my life independently as I have already proven to do successfully for many years. No matter how hard I tried to steer the course of my life upon my mothers diagnosis, I could have never prepared to traverse the unimaginable terrain ahead of me. It’s been an exhausting journey to say the least. There are questions that will never be answered, U-turns I can never take, decisions I can never remake. But I’ll be damned If I refuse to see the beauty and power that have resulted in my sheer decision to keep going. There might always be discomfort and disease in progression through foggy futures but attempting to make excuses for my history, both the tragedies and triumphs, will never shed light on the true beauty that comes from putting one foot in front of the other. The conscious decision to inhale after each exhale. Fear has a funny way of feeling comfortable but love and acceptance has a warmth and gentleness that fills the well of my heart that I thought had permanently dried up after she left us. A love that only I can provide for myself. A love that continues to show up day after day, moment after moment no matter how hard I try to turn it away. Although her physical body is no longer present, although I can no longer call to ask her what to do, it is my mothers love that continues to stare back at me in the mirror. It is her love that whispers softly in my ear during the seemingly endless silence I’m trying to get more comfortable with. It is her blood that continues to pump through my veins almost 31 years later. These 5 months of sobriety have given me the clarity to see and feel emotions I didn’t think my physical body could withstand. There’s a lake full of water behind this dam and even though it feels like I’m drowning , I’ve always had dreams of breathing under water.
Aesthetic Glitch and Abstraction by fotograffika
The Unexplored
My name is Yuri Zalevsky, I’m from Ukraine
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Canvas (2018), Alexandra Leroy
Traditional paintings combine with fashion design and makeup art in Canvas.
Done in collaboration with Moscow-based stylist Tali Rutman.
Selected Works by Gwaja JI, a Visual Artist from Incheon, South Korea.
4 Choise We Need to Do!!
Picasso
Kinga Rajzak / Vogue Italia May 2007 “Defiant Visions” by Steven Meisel
Carolyn Murphy & Guinevere Van Seenus /i-D Spring 2012 by Daniele & Iango
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
Brie Larson attends the 2016 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter at the Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on February 28, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California.
Queen B
